It’s not the absence of people. You are surrounded by them. In fact, you often feel there are too many in the room, not too few.

The waiting room is full. The inbox is full. The calendar is full. People need you at work, at home, in the group chat, on the board, in the practice, in the partnership. You are undeniably needed. You are by every visible measure deeply connected. And yet…

There is a particular kind of isolation that lives inside capable, ambitious people that has nothing to do with being alone. It’s the experience of being needed without being known. Everyone clamors, but few pause. And it is in the pause that you might actually be seen. You know this. But if you create the pause, require the pause, then you might be more accurately seen and that is uncomfortable. You are used to operating from behind the curtain, deciding in isolation, and answering only to that internal critic, not the cacophony of external voices who will find fault, second guess and criticize.

So being the person everyone turns to and realizing, somewhere around 11pm when the house is finally quiet that no one asked how you are today is what you’ve grown accustomed to. It is normal. So normal that you don’t even acknowledge it to yourself most days.

The check-ins you get are logistical. Did you handle it? What’s the plan? Can you take a look at this? What usually isn’t tracked is that the responses you give include emotional intelligence and care. You track everyone. You hold everyone. You notice when someone is off before they know it themselves.

You don’t even notice that no one is tracking you until this moment. You know the moment. The point in time where the buried resentment, grief and outrage start to bubble up. And it is in that bubbling up that the truth suddenly hits. But who is tracking MEEEEEE? It’s a startling and unfamiliar feeling.

This is what I mean when I talk about high-performing isolation. It isn’t dramatic. It doesn’t look like suffering from the outside. It looks like competence. Like leadership. Like someone who has it together.

It feels like being the only person in the room who can see the room clearly. But the solution isn’t to stay behind the curtain. The solution is to begin to risk being seen, to step out into the light of day and own not only what you have decided, but why and the intricacies at play. Isolated leaders are common. Emotionally engaged, witnessed leaders are few and far between. It’s not about waiting to be seen, it’s about courageously choosing differently.

If you recognized yourself just now you’re not alone in that either.

Are you ready to be seen the way you see everyone else? Maybe it’s time to step out from behind the curtain.